I am a FEMINIST. I don't hate MEN

I am a feminist, living in the 21st century.

I have proudly included 'feminist' in the introduction of my Facebook profile - not because I wanted the world to know that I am a ruthless 'man-hater' or someone who champions body hair, bra less day or whatever the 21st century has instilled into the brains of many and made us look awful.

It is safe to say that I am a ‘normal feminist’, amongst those who are trapped in the societal love for trends and fads.

I am a little vocal about my thoughts, which might have painted an image of me. You might have laughed about it or it might have you thinking

“She is trouble/she is too much of work/ she talks too much/ women shouldn’t talk too much/how is she going to settle down like this”

Nevertheless, I will persist.. 

Sure, I am a little savage and with my god-gifted RBF I have indeed made an impression – which has also left my mom, dad and friends on over time duties during events.

Apparently I have been vocal as a child, but it was cute then.

I am not perfect, but I am not an extremist either.

Feminism is not a radical ideology or an embarrassment to the society. it's NOTHING negative to get all upset about.

It’s the thought that is trapped in every woman’s mind, but has not been given the opportunity to discuss it out loud until some of us started voicing it out.

Feminism advances the potential of women in social, economic and political roles and opportunities; a movement that strives to provide a safe and fair environment for every women. It works towards helping women enjoy their existence freely.

Why? – Because it hasn’t been the best for us, like forever – has it?

How has it been reading the news lately – sexual abuse, harassment at work and professional roles etc

I remember debating about all these since 13. The guys (who I must say, have grown into fine young men and fathers and we are all good friends now ) used to list down the many destruction caused by women and questioned our capabilities.

I remember being asked if a woman is capable enough to drive a 100 ton lorry – till this date – I roll my eyes.

So today, my ‘feminist agenda’ is to actually bust this whole man hating myth. 

Firstly, you have to understand that women who hate men are called misandrists - they despise men entirely. It’s a like a religion and you should read about it - really.

Or, even if you think you heard me saying a long time – I can assure it was just a temporary post-break up phase that I was dwelling on for some time.

Yes, I have cried over break ups – like any other woman. because feminist are normal people too, we do normal things.

My guy friends have helped me move on, in fact they have sat right next to me with tissue boxes, wiped my tears and assured me things will get better - no matter how much I keep telling them ‘ no you don’t understand,that's right! what would you know about a woman’s feelings’

I would like to apologize for all the 'feminist nazis' (closeted misandrists) who gave real feminism a bad name.

It’s unfair ( for me at least) to use that term because:

• I was raised by an honest man alongside a good woman. A man who bought me books to read, who till this date stares at men walk up to say ‘hello’ . Most of the time – my sister and I would be stuck between being nice and calming down my dad. 
• I have friends who have been there for me at my worst, who have seen me at my worst, who has accepted me for person I am - and once in a while tell me off if I am wrong and for making wrong choices 
• I have brothers who held my hand and assured me that they will take turns to be there 
• I also came to know a man who has helped me cope with my temper tantrums, insecurities, etc - gradually maturing me in every way. 

So I don’t hate men. PERIOD

I admire men physically and mentally.

And I am not really doing this to convince anyone, even myself. It’s just a fact.

Even the ones who left - I don't despise them (initially yes, I won't lie. I am very nasty) - I mean, you are free to make choices. Who am I to say. (Yes, after all that nasty comments, what else right? ) ;)

I don’t believe that all men are pigs – unless you are Donald Trump or Charlie Sheen or Chris Brown or some who growing up to be like these men

Like most men, I have comments about the opposite sex too. But that’s just natural, we tend to annoy each other, but we don’t despise. We can't even live without each other.

We keep our looks in check – which opens a choice of being with or without make up. It incites rage when men comment about ‘wearing too much make up’ or not.

It is also sick when men pass such comments in real life and drool over actresses in the movies. it's annoying because you can’t decide on what you actually want or like.

I have to warn you that if you pass such comments to me – I have about 20 different responses creatively prepared just for people like you. Yes I do allocate time for such things.

I have 10 different shades of red lipsticks, and I paid for it.

So that’s it. My ‘non -Man hating’ blog post.

I think men are great, I love them – especially if they have a lot of things to discuss (not pass but discuss) because that makes him a man who wants to communicate and take in views – that is not part of patriarchy and it’s sexy.

I'll just leave this here before signing off ...

.....because I am just extremely proud of myself to putting the entire outfit together. FYI - the tiara, arm cuffs, belt were all made from scratch. Now you know what's happening when I don't text back.


So yea, I am a feminist; I don't hate men .

Love,
V

Girls by Birth, Women by Worth

I am 30 and #IworkinPR. This was and is the dream. 

Everybody wanted me to be a doctor, and then based on my grades in all the science subjects – some decided that I should be a teacher. When that idea came about, my fantastic guy friends suggested that I should be an English teacher in an all boys school cause life would be more exciting.

 Adolescence...

Anyways, turning 30 has brought a lot of changes to the system – Friday nights in flights back to KL has been all about digesting the alterations in the body, mind and soul.

Things are changing drastically, I must warn you, brace yourselves.

Yesterday, I came across this video on Facebook that had this exercise of

‘How mean we are to ourselves?’ Have you wondered?

A few scenarios...

How many times have you gotten someone to take a picture of you and then when you run over excitedly to the see how the photo turned up and then next you say is

"Eiewww i look fat, another one please".

You walk into your favourite store, pick this really cute top – run over to the changing room to try it on – and go "Eieww I look bad"

I am guilty of no 1, 2 and 10,000 more.

But here’s the thing. Exactly why did I do this to myself again? Was it me ?

That’s me in 1989, on my first birthday. My favourite word was ‘WHY’, because I was curious about almost everything – even 29 years later – nothing has changed. 

What would I tell this little girl?

She’s pretty cute isn’t she – wearing this cute little dress and shoes her mom picked, singing herself a birthday song, heck she is even seen here cheering for herself - Good for her!

She only had her two front teeth and yet loved the entire world around her.

What happened – well the society tried drowning her, of course.

My take on this..

I would carry this girl and tell her a little story about the society and their knick- knacks that won’t mean an ounce to her personality or to the woman she is going to grow into.

Society will talk about your grades in school and compare you with the A Star schoolmates, and even tell you about how your life is about to go down because of your Bs and Cs – little did they know about Venoshia - the daughter, the sister, the friend, the colleague and in time (god willing) – the partner, the mother...

Society will try to talk you into doing things that are not 'you', be brave, listen to your heart and then speak to your parents

Society and your relatives are going to see you build your life from afar – based on nothing they patronized, speculated and mortified.

Society will not have a clue about your career – they would ask you if you are a secretary, an administrator, a Personal assistant...Be dangerous – smile at them instead.

The society will first judge for having so many guys as good friends when you were younger – and then judge you for not being attached to someone later on.

Society will hate you for your views on feminism, religion, culture, logic and humanity. Basically, everything that made them 'normal' - will leave them clueless to all of your WH questions.

Society will brand you a rebel for being bold and having mind of your own. Last I heard, well behaved women rarely made history.

I’d ask this little girl to not surrender to societal 'values' and 'rules', because she will persist nevertheless, against all odds, struggles and backlashes.

I’d tell her this till her 29th birthday if I could, and I can bet that she is only going to be fascinated with the cake and nothing else – or maybe she’d be asking me ‘why’ for almost every damn thing said. And think about it a few weeks later or so.

I was redundant wasn’t I? – repeating the word ‘society’ like it was a mantra. Would have annoyed you a little, but isn't that the case? – how every little girl's doing is 'cultivated' by the society?

So STOP it. Stop letting them dictate.

Stop tip-toeing, take a stroll on everything that inspires you – life will give one chance for everything and even if you are about to breathe for the very last time – let that be after you did something for yourself.

Because eventually, the society will be there to pay their last ‘respect’.

Happy International Women’s Day!
Remember,
Girls by birth, women by worth.

Oh, and do me a favour will you? - Look for a picture of your one- year- old self – what would you tell him or her to do?

Love, V